All posts by C-Rad

About C-Rad

I'm just this guy, you know? I live adjacent to Cape Town, working in an average unfabulous job, dreaming of better things to come and working on being a better person today than I was yesterday.

Talk That Comic Book Talk: East of West – Part 1

On The Up Top

Your big wheel was never that gangsta
Jonathan Hickman – Writer
Nick Dragotta – Artist
Frank Martin – Colours

I’m hoping to start a podcast soon with the name given above. While I build up to that I’ll try and flex my comic book discussion muscles with these posts. Please mind the birthing fluids, it’s gotten all over the place.

If you haven’t guessed yet from the title of this post, I’ll be discussing… trying to figure out what the ever lovin’ hell is going on in the comic book East of West, specifically issue 01 and 02. Expect a rambling train of thought as opposed to a cogent argument/summary/interpretation.

Spoilers after the cut.

Continue reading Talk That Comic Book Talk: East of West – Part 1


So Things and stuff, 04/2013

Mention you run a Tumblr and WordPress blog in your motivational letter applying for an internship for become a wordpress webdev.

Die a little inside at the prospect of showing the prospective employer your wordpress blog due to overly frank discussions about depression. So I ended up not giving the url.


I doubt they will just take my word for it. Anyway…

Two weeks ago I had an extremely productive week and a half. wrote 3 and a bit chapters after not having worked on my novel for a year. Felt damn good. Was surprised that despite having had the whole thing in my head this whole time, when I wrote one of the new chapters, out of nowhere popped a character that didn’t exist before but is suddenly critical to the narrative. If Man plans and God laughs, well then I guess Novelists plan and muses think that shit is just adorable.


So on Saturday not only is it Star Wars Day, but it’s also Free Comic Book Day and I’ll be going to watch Iron Man 3. I am going to have the most geekiest day. I can’t even. Could you even? No, I didn’t think so.

Ping: 2013

Well it’s been about a year since my last post here. I honestly don’t have much to say. For the most part I’ve been actively blogging on Tumblr and I see WordPress is copying ideas over from there.

What’s going on with me since last I posted? Sweet fuckall. The wheel turns, nothing changes.

Earlier this year I became extremely depressed. More intensely so than I had in a long while. You want to know a funny thing? Researching suicide methodology is depressing because you find out just how hard it can prove to kill yourself.

I’m still trying to write and getting nowhere.

Still working where I was and only getting more deeply entrenched.

For the most part I’m feeling better, but the repetitive grind and never getting anywhere despite all the things I do do just really makes me want to kill myself all over again.

I’m just low right now. I may feel slightly stronger tomorrow. But that never lasts. SO over the bullshit of existing.

Quantum Touched Me On My Studio

Where do I begin? In medias res I guess.

I had been using The Abundance Course/Release Technique and just completed the track on Goals. That’s when I couldn’t feel anything anymore. The Soul Crushing Plateau. Everytime I work through the Abundance Course it’s the same – I do the course and it feels great and it feels like I’ve got traction then I hit the Goals track and as soon as it is finished I can’t feel anything anymore. And I know it’s just the plateau and if I push through it will get better but I haven’t been able to. This pattern has repeated like 3-4 times already.

This time was different though. When I started doing the Abundance Course (a-bloody-gain) this time around, I managed to get a friend to join in. I finally had an accountabilabuddy. Thank fuck, at long last. Knowing he was going through the SCP at the same time I was, gave me enough motivation (guiltivation?) to keep releasing. I did however switch it up a little. For the sake of novelty and varition (spice of life, vacation and all that jazz) I switched to The Sedona Method of releasing.

Now I had tried The Sedona Method before but didn’t really like it. I never experienced the lunatic highs of The Abundance Course when practising The Sedona Method, so I had always viewed it as the lesser of the 2 courses. (For anyone who doesn’t know, both courses come from the work of Lester Levenson, so they are both teaching the same things, but from a different angle). Part of what made the SCP so soul crushing is that your visualising energy leaving the body but it really feels like nothing is going on inside, like your a dead soulless thing. And the fact that your looking at it with the visualisation simply amplifies that.

The Sedona Method is different in that visualisation is not a main part of the process. It is mostly verbal processing. Whether you feel it or not (in both modalities) the process is still working. In my experience, just going through the verbal process/questions makes the SCP that much more bearable. In my first encounter with The Sedona Method the pure verbal aspect made me cry “Bullshit” and inspired mild disdain, but I’ve gotten over that. Long story short, I’m past the SCP, heading for a new one (because that’s how mastery works) and now practice a combination of the two modalities for maximum releasing pleasure.

Once I had gotten to The Sedona Method’s section on goals, I started to release on the following goal:

I allow myself to easily have and enjoy the perfect job for me at this time in my life

I’m not really happy where I am right now, and who wouldn’t want the job that the Universe/God deems perfect for you, amirite? So I released on that. Not everyday, but often enough. About maybe 3 days later (I don’t know, the memory is fuzzy) it was a Sunday and I was playing some Pokemon Black. I figure I need some background noise while I grind out some levels and I had a few telecalls/free bonuses from the You Wealth Revolution 2012 to work through. I put three on and continued grinding. One of these bonuses was and Introduction to Quantum Touch audio.

Now I had seen stuff for Quantum Touch around for almost a year prior to this and had absolutely no interest in it whatsoever. A few days after I had done the Access the Bars class I got an email from one of the participants for a Quantum Touch workshop. Interest levels remained at fuckall. But sitting in my room, grinding out levels, I found myself fascinated by the stories and tall-tales being told on this introductory audio. But honestly, in my conscious mind it was registered purely as a “Heh, that’s cool” and nothing more. Or so I thought.

On Monday (the next day), without any effort or really meaning to, I found myself getting a hold of the Quantum Touch manual. This in itself is not particularly noteworthy. I acquire large amounts of MindBodySpirit material all the time, read only some of them and practice even less. But what happened with the manual, not only did I start reading it immediately, I STARTED PRACTISING THE OPENING EXERCISES! Score one for the Sedona/Abundance claim that releasing leads you into effortless action. On Tuesday I got a hold of videos from the workshops and started to work through that. (Sidenote: On either the Monday or Tuesday, the friend of mine that is also releasing gave me news that feeds into/gave me confirmation of the releasing as it relates to business/jobs. I won’t get into specificity due to him preferring to keep these things to himself/within the circle and I respect that)

At this stage I remember that I have a Quantum Touch workshop invitation sitting in my inbox. So I go and re-check the invite, and it was for the coming Sunday. Not only that, but I still had money left over from last month and could easily afford it. Needless to say I got the message I was being sent and signed up for the workshop.

Sunday morning I woke up with a lyric from a song by M.C. Yogi stuck in my head on repeat:

If you want love you’ve got to give love away

It’s from the song Give Love. I’ve posted the video here before so I wont do so again. So at the workshop, before we got started we each had to pick a laminated card with a picture and a message on it, without looking what we where choosing. Random. The card I chose had the following message on it:

The more I love myself, the more I see love reflected in those around me.

The workshop was lovely as where the other participants. I did this workshop because, even though I could have worked through all the material at home, I never would have gotten as much practice and I probably would have just sat in my room and kept it to myself. It wasn’t an official Quantum Touch workshop. This was Touched by Quantum. It was mostly Quantum Touch and the facilitator had given the official workshop before, but she chose not to any more because of a philosophical difference she has with the company.

I enjoyed the workshop, got a lot out of it and enjoyed being around the tribe again. I certainly felt like I got more out of this than I did with the Access the Bars class. So, when we where done, and we said our good byes, and I was alone and waiting for my dad to pick me up, I get an sms asking if I can’t walk to Canal Walk and meet them there?

Shit! Fuck! Balls! Are you fucking serious! Had that sms come through 5 minutes earlier I would have had a lift. Now I really don’t mind walking but it was hotter than a motherfucker on Sunday and it was fuck far. (From the Estuaries to Canal Walk if anyone is familiar to the area). Whatever, release, centre yourself, be grateful you just started smoking again not 4 hours ago and have something to do with your hands for the walk. As I leave the office complex, I start walking in the opposite direction to Canal Walk. I wasn’t immediately sure, but certainty grew. I kept walking though and approached a guard on one of the islands and asked him for directions. He pointed me towards the shuttle that was just arriving.

Thank you baby Jesus! I didn’t have to walk in the scorching heat! And thank you to everyone that happened to work on my third eye chakra during the workshop 🙂 I took the shuttle (R3 being an effing bargain) and realised just how far it was. I knew before I started walking that it was far, but fuck me did I ever underestimate the distance.

As I walked into the air conditioned coolness of the mall, there was this hottie that was exactly my type walking in at the same time as I. I didn’t do anything about it, just appreciated the view and thought, “Yeah, God knows what I like”. Releasing until I have a love/sex life is third on the agenda after finding a place to stay. Anyway, I head to Pic ‘n Pay to get some Airwaves gum and something to drink. I found myself easily conversing with the young lady behind the till. Next I went to Exclusives Books not knowing when my dad will show up and it’s as good a place as any to kill time. They had a copy of The Hunger Games, so I bought that and easily started talking with the gothy redheaded bookseller handling the transaction. She mentioned she had been watching Invader Zim, so I sang the Doom song for her. She squee’d. She told me she had been dropping Invader Zim references all week waiting for someone to catch on.

What is significant about these two encounters is simply that they happened. I have been in a fairly dark place for a while now, years really, not fully being able to be myself much less strike up a conversation with strangers. I feel like I’m finally getting to a point where I’m no longer hiding from my life and my purpose. That I’m finally allowing myself to be who I truly be. I’m not there yet, but it’s a light at the end of the tunnel. And I’m chalking those two experiences up to releasing and the all day workshop.

Bars and Abundance

First post for 2012. I don’t know how regularly I’ll be posting, but here goes for now.Fish Hoek beach, seen from the hills on the so...

This past Sunday I took a class on something called The Bars. It was held in Fishhoek. I wont go into detail about what The Bars are here, but if you don’t already know you can read up on it here, here, and here.

The trip there was nice and the people where lovely, although predictably I was the only guy there. While I was actually getting my Bars run I got really hot. While the Ageing Toaster was engaged I got the sense of a swirling red vortex in my chest area. All in all it was quite relaxing.

Photo courtesy of Matt Bochsler

The next morning… well, money was not raining from the sky and Lindt chocolate was not flowing from opened taps. That was disappointing. [I know how that sounds but go read the testimonials and you try and have lowered expectations.] That everything felt and looked the same, that I was still running the same energies and still repeated the same shit with my mother and father, that was a very special kind of depressing.

I’ve been told that your insides change and that’s what counts and you shouldn’t look to the exterior. But when your inner world changes your exterior world reflects that, so that argument is invalid. I’ve been told everything from give it 2 days to give it 2 weeks. Shit, whatever happens happens at this stage.

So today is Day 3 since the class and I still have not had the opportunity to practice and run someone else’s Bars. My parents have been either working late and/or watching tv. But hopefully something tonight. Since when you Gift someone else Bars, your own start running as well. Something I’ve noticed since having my Bars run is that I’m hell’a tired all the damn time.


Chasing Lunacy

I’ve been practising The Abundance Course (a.k.a The Release Technique) (Testimonials) quite frequently for the past two weeks and have pretty much been getting the same results I got the last time. I’d get a surge of happiness basically. On Friday I told a friend of mine about the course and he began practising on Monday. I’m happy to say he is enjoying it and getting something out of it. Yesterday he told me that he would randomly burst out laughing “like a lunatic” and that was a bit of validation for me because I had a very similar experience.
The Technique combined with my friend beginning to practise was enough to get over the depression/disappointment re the Bars. I’ve been trying to get a Release buddy to practise with and keep me accountable for over a year now. And just in time, since I’ve reached the plateau. I’m at that place where I release and release and release and really I’m even more boss at it now than the last time but I just can’t seem to get to that place where the happies well up inside you and burst out making you “laugh like a lunatic”.
For interests sake, I’m on the Goals track of the course. I think it is just this track that’s a bit of a bump in the road.
The thing is, just on Monday, I’d work on releasing a goal and get so happy and laughy that I can’t even stay on my chair, much less continue Releasing. And then poof, gone. The Abundance Course: The Heroine of Self-Help.
Anyway, these are the Goals I’m working on, as re-worded for the purposes of the Course:
  • I allow myself to live at the Icon Hotel in accommodation perfect for me simply by releasing.
  • I allow myself to receive a Buffalo Stealth 1TB Ext. HDD simply by releasing.
  • I allow myself to receive R1000 or more in cash through releasing only.
  • I allow myself to practice Convict Conditioning with ease and joy.

I’m starting small so that it is easier to come to a place of believing I have it. As soon as I accomplish the R1000 one, I’ll add a zero onto the end, and then when I accomplish that I’ll add another zero onto that and so on.

Talking Comics: Disappointment Itself

fear itself Cover

First off I want to say that Fraction’s script was solid and Immonen’s pencils where stellar as usual. That being said, this issue didn’t thrill me.

This is the beginning of a Marvel event that’s marketed as being on the level of Civil War. My problem, besides the pacing, is that there’s no big bang, no “Shit Just Got Real” moment. Look at this issue and compare it to Avengers #500 (the start of Disassembled), Civil War #1, Secret Invasion #1 and Siege #1.

One could argue that the Norse gods running away from earth like a bunch of pussy’s is indicative of the gravity of the situation, but none of the other heroes present know why the gods are leaving – the Avengers don’t know the gods are running from something. For all the Avengers know, it’s just time to re-establish Asgard somewhere else.

Continue reading Talking Comics: Disappointment Itself


Hey there, no one in particular. Long time,  no blog.  129919715060-do_it_faggot

This morning I woke up feeling horrible. Miserable horrible, not sick-hangover horrible. I hate being all suicide-y first thing in the morning. I feel this way because I’m dissatisfied (to put it mildly) with my life as it is. My life is the way it is because I can’t stick to something that would actually improve my life. And I can’t stick to something because I feel no passion.

In the long, long ago, in the before times when I was studying journalism at Rhodes I had a lecturer by the name of Angelo Fick. He hated the word “passion” because it evoked an image of making sweet-sweet love to the abstract subject it was attached to and commanded it be stricken from our vocabulary. I took this to heart, impressionable young mind that I was. I wonder though is I didn’t perhaps internalize it a bit to much.

Bashar pointed out in one of his transmissions, and I’m paraphrasing here, that the secret to The Secret was to be passionate. Moreover the secret, to the secret, to The Secret was to be passionate about being passionate. So if the only way to create the life you wish to live is to be passionate about being passionate, I couldn’t imagine myself being in a position where I am more Fucked.

All to often it feels as if life lacks flavour. I, from time to time, enjoy writing, but I am not relentlessly driven to do it, the joy of reading comics has come down to a dull monotony and music simply modulates the background. I can barely maintain interest in videogames long enough to get half-way through, never mind finish it.

All I manage to do is faff about, procrastinate. Where does my passion lie? Has the flame been extinguished forever or do I just need to find the right wood to feed the embers, dashed with some kerosene. What would make me want to jump out of bed and rush to accomplish, to compel me, to lead me to become driven?

I’m attempting to write again. I have some support on the sidelines, friendly encouragement. Fantasy novel, prequel to my failed NaNoWriMo ‘10 project. Trying to find out what the plot is. It’s not feminist, but it is anti-patriarchy. Working title: In the Presence of Men. Shall see what comes of it.


I have begun using The Release Technique/The Abundance Course. It started off spectacularly well, just in terms of the emotional side of things. I felt really really good. But then I skipped a day and it all went to shit. I still do it now, on the fly, and its become an amalgamation of Abundance Course and Sedona Method but I haven’t had the results I had from the first 3 days. So I’ve been meaning to tackle it again, from the beginning again and with an intensity of focus, but I kept finding reasons not to do it.

As Dexter likes to say, “Tonight’s the night.”