Category Archives: Musings

Quantum Touched Me On My Studio

Where do I begin? In medias res I guess.

I had been using The Abundance Course/Release Technique and just completed the track on Goals. That’s when I couldn’t feel anything anymore. The Soul Crushing Plateau. Everytime I work through the Abundance Course it’s the same – I do the course and it feels great and it feels like I’ve got traction then I hit the Goals track and as soon as it is finished I can’t feel anything anymore. And I know it’s just the plateau and if I push through it will get better but I haven’t been able to. This pattern has repeated like 3-4 times already.

This time was different though. When I started doing the Abundance Course (a-bloody-gain) this time around, I managed to get a friend to join in. I finally had an accountabilabuddy. Thank fuck, at long last. Knowing he was going through the SCP at the same time I was, gave me enough motivation (guiltivation?) to keep releasing. I did however switch it up a little. For the sake of novelty and varition (spice of life, vacation and all that jazz) I switched to The Sedona Method of releasing.

Now I had tried The Sedona Method before but didn’t really like it. I never experienced the lunatic highs of The Abundance Course when practising The Sedona Method, so I had always viewed it as the lesser of the 2 courses. (For anyone who doesn’t know, both courses come from the work of Lester Levenson, so they are both teaching the same things, but from a different angle). Part of what made the SCP so soul crushing is that your visualising energy leaving the body but it really feels like nothing is going on inside, like your a dead soulless thing. And the fact that your looking at it with the visualisation simply amplifies that.

The Sedona Method is different in that visualisation is not a main part of the process. It is mostly verbal processing. Whether you feel it or not (in both modalities) the process is still working. In my experience, just going through the verbal process/questions makes the SCP that much more bearable. In my first encounter with The Sedona Method the pure verbal aspect made me cry “Bullshit” and inspired mild disdain, but I’ve gotten over that. Long story short, I’m past the SCP, heading for a new one (because that’s how mastery works) and now practice a combination of the two modalities for maximum releasing pleasure.

Once I had gotten to The Sedona Method’s section on goals, I started to release on the following goal:

I allow myself to easily have and enjoy the perfect job for me at this time in my life

I’m not really happy where I am right now, and who wouldn’t want the job that the Universe/God deems perfect for you, amirite? So I released on that. Not everyday, but often enough. About maybe 3 days later (I don’t know, the memory is fuzzy) it was a Sunday and I was playing some Pokemon Black. I figure I need some background noise while I grind out some levels and I had a few telecalls/free bonuses from the You Wealth Revolution 2012 to work through. I put three on and continued grinding. One of these bonuses was and Introduction to Quantum Touch audio.

Now I had seen stuff for Quantum Touch around for almost a year prior to this and had absolutely no interest in it whatsoever. A few days after I had done the Access the Bars class I got an email from one of the participants for a Quantum Touch workshop. Interest levels remained at fuckall. But sitting in my room, grinding out levels, I found myself fascinated by the stories and tall-tales being told on this introductory audio. But honestly, in my conscious mind it was registered purely as a “Heh, that’s cool” and nothing more. Or so I thought.

On Monday (the next day), without any effort or really meaning to, I found myself getting a hold of the Quantum Touch manual. This in itself is not particularly noteworthy. I acquire large amounts of MindBodySpirit material all the time, read only some of them and practice even less. But what happened with the manual, not only did I start reading it immediately, I STARTED PRACTISING THE OPENING EXERCISES! Score one for the Sedona/Abundance claim that releasing leads you into effortless action. On Tuesday I got a hold of videos from the workshops and started to work through that. (Sidenote: On either the Monday or Tuesday, the friend of mine that is also releasing gave me news that feeds into/gave me confirmation of the releasing as it relates to business/jobs. I won’t get into specificity due to him preferring to keep these things to himself/within the circle and I respect that)

At this stage I remember that I have a Quantum Touch workshop invitation sitting in my inbox. So I go and re-check the invite, and it was for the coming Sunday. Not only that, but I still had money left over from last month and could easily afford it. Needless to say I got the message I was being sent and signed up for the workshop.

Sunday morning I woke up with a lyric from a song by M.C. Yogi stuck in my head on repeat:

If you want love you’ve got to give love away

It’s from the song Give Love. I’ve posted the video here before so I wont do so again. So at the workshop, before we got started we each had to pick a laminated card with a picture and a message on it, without looking what we where choosing. Random. The card I chose had the following message on it:

The more I love myself, the more I see love reflected in those around me.

The workshop was lovely as where the other participants. I did this workshop because, even though I could have worked through all the material at home, I never would have gotten as much practice and I probably would have just sat in my room and kept it to myself. It wasn’t an official Quantum Touch workshop. This was Touched by Quantum. It was mostly Quantum Touch and the facilitator had given the official workshop before, but she chose not to any more because of a philosophical difference she has with the company.

I enjoyed the workshop, got a lot out of it and enjoyed being around the tribe again. I certainly felt like I got more out of this than I did with the Access the Bars class. So, when we where done, and we said our good byes, and I was alone and waiting for my dad to pick me up, I get an sms asking if I can’t walk to Canal Walk and meet them there?

Shit! Fuck! Balls! Are you fucking serious! Had that sms come through 5 minutes earlier I would have had a lift. Now I really don’t mind walking but it was hotter than a motherfucker on Sunday and it was fuck far. (From the Estuaries to Canal Walk if anyone is familiar to the area). Whatever, release, centre yourself, be grateful you just started smoking again not 4 hours ago and have something to do with your hands for the walk. As I leave the office complex, I start walking in the opposite direction to Canal Walk. I wasn’t immediately sure, but certainty grew. I kept walking though and approached a guard on one of the islands and asked him for directions. He pointed me towards the shuttle that was just arriving.

Thank you baby Jesus! I didn’t have to walk in the scorching heat! And thank you to everyone that happened to work on my third eye chakra during the workshop 🙂 I took the shuttle (R3 being an effing bargain) and realised just how far it was. I knew before I started walking that it was far, but fuck me did I ever underestimate the distance.

As I walked into the air conditioned coolness of the mall, there was this hottie that was exactly my type walking in at the same time as I. I didn’t do anything about it, just appreciated the view and thought, “Yeah, God knows what I like”. Releasing until I have a love/sex life is third on the agenda after finding a place to stay. Anyway, I head to Pic ‘n Pay to get some Airwaves gum and something to drink. I found myself easily conversing with the young lady behind the till. Next I went to Exclusives Books not knowing when my dad will show up and it’s as good a place as any to kill time. They had a copy of The Hunger Games, so I bought that and easily started talking with the gothy redheaded bookseller handling the transaction. She mentioned she had been watching Invader Zim, so I sang the Doom song for her. She squee’d. She told me she had been dropping Invader Zim references all week waiting for someone to catch on.

What is significant about these two encounters is simply that they happened. I have been in a fairly dark place for a while now, years really, not fully being able to be myself much less strike up a conversation with strangers. I feel like I’m finally getting to a point where I’m no longer hiding from my life and my purpose. That I’m finally allowing myself to be who I truly be. I’m not there yet, but it’s a light at the end of the tunnel. And I’m chalking those two experiences up to releasing and the all day workshop.

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Hey there, no one in particular. Long time,  no blog.  129919715060-do_it_faggot

This morning I woke up feeling horrible. Miserable horrible, not sick-hangover horrible. I hate being all suicide-y first thing in the morning. I feel this way because I’m dissatisfied (to put it mildly) with my life as it is. My life is the way it is because I can’t stick to something that would actually improve my life. And I can’t stick to something because I feel no passion.

In the long, long ago, in the before times when I was studying journalism at Rhodes I had a lecturer by the name of Angelo Fick. He hated the word “passion” because it evoked an image of making sweet-sweet love to the abstract subject it was attached to and commanded it be stricken from our vocabulary. I took this to heart, impressionable young mind that I was. I wonder though is I didn’t perhaps internalize it a bit to much.

Bashar pointed out in one of his transmissions, and I’m paraphrasing here, that the secret to The Secret was to be passionate. Moreover the secret, to the secret, to The Secret was to be passionate about being passionate. So if the only way to create the life you wish to live is to be passionate about being passionate, I couldn’t imagine myself being in a position where I am more Fucked.

All to often it feels as if life lacks flavour. I, from time to time, enjoy writing, but I am not relentlessly driven to do it, the joy of reading comics has come down to a dull monotony and music simply modulates the background. I can barely maintain interest in videogames long enough to get half-way through, never mind finish it.

All I manage to do is faff about, procrastinate. Where does my passion lie? Has the flame been extinguished forever or do I just need to find the right wood to feed the embers, dashed with some kerosene. What would make me want to jump out of bed and rush to accomplish, to compel me, to lead me to become driven?

I’m attempting to write again. I have some support on the sidelines, friendly encouragement. Fantasy novel, prequel to my failed NaNoWriMo ‘10 project. Trying to find out what the plot is. It’s not feminist, but it is anti-patriarchy. Working title: In the Presence of Men. Shall see what comes of it.

Addendum:

I have begun using The Release Technique/The Abundance Course. It started off spectacularly well, just in terms of the emotional side of things. I felt really really good. But then I skipped a day and it all went to shit. I still do it now, on the fly, and its become an amalgamation of Abundance Course and Sedona Method but I haven’t had the results I had from the first 3 days. So I’ve been meaning to tackle it again, from the beginning again and with an intensity of focus, but I kept finding reasons not to do it.

As Dexter likes to say, “Tonight’s the night.”

NaNoWriMo Cometh

nanowrimo_05_120x240

Oh would you just look at that – November is a little more than a week and a half away. Do you have any idea what that mean! It means that a segment of the global population will voluntarily undergo a process that induces psychosis. For their safety, I urge all parents to keep their children locked-up for the course of November because…

 

NaNoWriMo Is Coming!

 

For those of you out of the loop, NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month. Although really it should be called InNoWriMo by now. As you can guess from the name, people around the globe make the poor life choice of dedicating November to producing a Novel in 30 days. That works out to a little under 2000 words a day.

Last year I took part in the event for the first time. Most of it is just a frenzied blur of furious keystrokes and a story rapidly mutating out of my control. I will say this though, I was incredibly productive while I was participating. Unfortunately I burned out half-way through my novel, a novel that still gives me this look that says “Why exactly have you not finished me yet? You know I’m awesome.”

Now it appears that I’ll be diving into this madness again this year. I tell myself it will go better this time. I tell myself I’m a little more prepared this time, having a longer heads up before starting, but deep down I know it will be a frantic mess. I have the beginnings of a novel to work with – characters, themes, setting – but I have nothing approaching a plot. There’s still time to come up with one though, I hope.

Anyway, you have been warned – if you see someone running through the streets, wild-eyed, unwashed and with crimped up fingers, chances are they have just been spat out by the NaNo machine. Approach with caution.

Erg!

StopProcrastinating

So I’m still procrastinating, and everyday I die a little more inside. I know how that sounds and if you jumped to that E word in a knee-jerk response: Fuck you and get the hell off my blog.

I’ve been using the program every morning for over a week now (still no response from the letter I sent them). It’s a 4 to 6 week process so I’m not too discouraged, non-the-less I am annoyed. Still it is not a surprise that wiping procrastination out of my life is not an over-night process. Just to give you an idea of how deeply ingrained procrastination is in my life, it is literally impossible to recall a time in my life where I didn’t have procrastination as a reference point for anything I was (or more realistically not) doing. So when I say I’m an Olympic Gold Medallist in Procrastination, know that rather shamefully I shit you not.

But yes I am actively procrastinating, not just at home with creative endeavours I wish to pursue or side-job’s I wish to apply for, but at work as well. I feel like I’m a jack-ass that doesn’t deserve a goddamnthing.

Panic… at the Office

So I’m having a panic attack right now. My heart is simultaneously caving in and pumping an acidic burn throughout the left side of my body. One part of me is yelling that I should run out the building, just keep running and not stop while another yells that I should continually bash me head into the wall. The greater part of me however, is immobilized in this shit. My consistent inability to take action… some would say my pathological fear of taking action, is the cause of all this.

45 minutes in it finely occurs to me that maybe I should try tapping.

That’s better. There is still a chemical burn in my heart and left arm but I am no longer freaking out. I feel angry now though. That’s a step up the emotional scale, right?

On taking action: Imagine if you will there is a man bound, chained and manacled to a rock as securely as can be. There are other chains attached to his bones and on the other end of those chains is a Bugatti Veyron attempting to go full speed. The Bugatti being my creative impulses and the unmovable rock being my inability to get anything done. FTS.

Brain Sync: Some thoughts

AttractWealth_1

So I’ve been using the 2 Brain Sync products I bought this week fairly consistently (except for this morning when I overslept and didn’t have time for the Stop Procrastinating program – I’ll try and fit it in later today). I have to say I like the products. I’ve found that when using the Attract Wealth program in conjunction with my evening meditation sessions I can go very deep and it’s easier to go there.

I even caught myself looking forward to it. That being said I still dread meditation, but I find I look forward to it more than I dread it these days, which is cool. All that being said, I’m getting damn impatient to see some results. Yes I know it takes a while, etc and other rationalisations – look I’m fairly reasonable and understanding about these things in my intellectual space, but in my emotional space I’m getting damn impatient. This is not entirely to do with the Brain Sync product as I had been using a similar product consistently for 2 months so I was hoping this one would catch the wave or something. Time to take the wait and see approach I guess. Bah-Humbug!

In other frustrations, I sent Brain Sync an email regarding certain concerns I have with their products. I sent that email 3 days ago and have gotten no response as of yet, but they felt perfectly fine sending me their Newsletter (read: Spam) after I sent the email, so they have my address. Fuckers.

Anyway, I may or may not keep you abreast of the situation.

What’s going on?

Diamond rose
Image via Wikipedia

I just need to jot these things down.

So this morning I was ready to rip today a fraking new one, but in a positive super motivated kind of way. Then the news came on the radio and its all doom and gloom and my dad is sitting next to me and he took that energy of doom and gloom and embodied it and magnified it and emanated it and now I feel like that killer instinct I had has been taken out of me. Neutered.

But truth to tell, I know it’s not gone, its just gone back below the surface. Centimetres, not inches. I can still rock this day.

Dreaming of diamonds
Image by Swamibu via Flickr

Some good news, I now (as of 10 minutes ago) just about have all the resources I need to start that special project I mentioned yesterday. This weekend will be spent figuring out how to fit everything into a day-to-day watwat.

Recently I’ve been using some hypnosis mp3’s regarding wealth, say since the start of the week. There’s one for before going to bed and then there’s one for the daytime that runs backwards. This daytime one is only a half-hour long but I have it on repeat on my headphones for most of the working day. Yesterday my mother, that’s working in a diamond jewellery store at present, made her biggest sale since entering that job sector. So things are flowing in a positive direction yes.

My Ego Has a Pimp Slap

pimp_slapMy ego has a pimp slap. For those of you unfamiliar with what a pimp slap is, the Urban Dictionary defines it as “The act of backhanding the cheek, delivering the blow from across the body”. For example, a pimp will slap his business associate solidly and exclaim, “Bitch, where’s my money?” thus asserting dominance.

So how is it that my ego has a pimp slap you may wonder? Well it comes out of nowhere, as unexpected assaults generally do, a memory flashes across my mind devouring all other thoughts like a hungry cannibal, then departs leaving behind the taint of acute embarrassment and feelings of inadequacy. The offending memory varies from an insignificant misplaced word to a personal action that others may have found amusing at my cost and the results of these mental assaults are just as varied, ranging from a cringe to a violent convulsion. Why, just this morning whilst taking a bath I was forced to relive standing in front of the class in high-school, singing some or other song. I nearly drowned in guilt, shame and bathwater.

Continue reading My Ego Has a Pimp Slap